I’m not trying to scare anyone here but to me, there is one thing truly terrifying about my body during pregnancy. My hormones! Forget bad acne, forget the exhaustion. My current battle is with my emotions. Reality and rationale go out the window even if you 100% disagree with your emotions. I don’t know how many of you out there have been where I am right now but if you have you know what I’m trying to convey.
Trying to explain this concept is tricky. I know a specific situation and all the facts surrounding it. I agree with a point and see it for what it is. Then my emotions move in. This is something that doesn’t even call for emotion. Just a simple statement of fact. I don’t even agree with the emotion but it’s there. I become irrational. I sit there and think to myself why?
Let’s look for a moment at what pregnancy does to a woman’s body. You have aged to the point that you are now able to carry a human inside of you. Until this point, you have adjusted to your body, physical, emotional, and metal being; even if you think you haven’t. Trust me I thought I hadn’t yet either. Big surprise I knew myself much better than I thought. Now you find out you are pregnant. Your body which has all of it’s physical, emotional, and mental state just became host to the most precious parasite ever! Your baby! Not only is your body regulating itself, there is now a new kid in town and it requires you to take on all responsibility for them. This makes your body scream in terror! Your body is doing overtime and having to adjust to a whole new being.
Who says women aren’t tough?
Our bodies are designed to be able to withstand this extra person, but sometimes our brains aren’t ready for the overload of another being inside. Don’t misunderstand me; I’m beyond thrilled to become a mother I am also very realistic as to what is happening to me.
Our bodies will always react uniquely to our adorable parasite. I hope you won’t struggle with the crazy like I am. It’s a real thing though. And asking why only opens more crazy doors. For myself, I have to tell myself repeatedly that these feelings aren’t real. They don’t align with my thoughts and beliefs. They are so far out in left field I don’t know how they have even entered my mind. Despite knowing, they persist.
I’ll give an example. My husband just went on a business trip to Chicago. He was gone for one night. We Face Timed for an hour talking and then I needed to get off the phone to get ready for bed. He said he was going to bother me all night long. I knew that wouldn’t happen. It is completely out of character for him, so I laughed it off and got ready for bed. I couldn’t sleep. Why wasn’t he sending annoying texts keeping me awake? I checked my phone; no texts, calls, or responses to anything I had sent him earlier in the night. Why weren’t they checked? The next morning I knew he was busy with a business breakfast then a convention. He might have sent a text in the morning to say good morning depending on how much time he had, I didn’t get one, he must not have had the time. Again, not out of the norm. What if something had happened to him? He was in a crummy hotel. No joke it looked like an old room from the Titanic or something. I sent out a text about our Memorial Day plans. I needed to tell him before I’d forget anyway. By this time I knew he was at the convention working so getting a response would have been weird. Why hasn’t he texted? I pushed myself to wait. Then I sent a text… “Why do I feel like you are ignoring me?”
I had no reason to get upset, to think anything was out of the norm. Sure he stayed in a pretty shady hotel but it was in a nicer part of Chicago. He shared a room with a guy from work so it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility that they were hanging out. He was there on a work trip, personal stuff aside from an emergency is sidelined. I get it, I understand it, I agree with it. My emotions, not so much.
He texted me at the airport and told me he missed me and couldn’t wait to be home in a few hours. My emotions went full throttle again. I don’t even want to explain that one it was so ridiculous. I had conversations with my mind the whole way to the airport to pick him up about what he said and what my emotions were saying. I felt clinical.
The sad truth is that your hormones are so out of alignment that your emotions are caught in the crossfire. You will more than likely go into battle with your own mind. I hope you don’t struggle here but if you do, know you aren’t alone. This is completely normal. Sure I apologized to my husband for my crazy, and began to have a minor meltdown when he didn’t say I forgive you right away; poor guy was falling asleep as I was apologizing, who could blame him for not responding clearly right away.
For myself, I handled my massive shift in emotions with several steps. You are welcome to try them if you ever feel a fit of the crazies coming.
- I’d identify the exact emotion I was feeling.
- I’d take as many deep breaths as I needed until I didn’t feel hysterical.
- I’d tell myself everything I knew to be true, instead of what I was feeling.
- I’d take a few more deep breaths.
- Turn on some good music to lift my spirits.
My husband knows and understands that my crazy right now is 100% baby induced. I love him and he loves me, we created this baby together and we are both in this together. What I am trying to say here is, don’t feel bad for telling your significant other about your struggles in these stages. They can help and they will help in whatever way they can. I wouldn’t expect my husband to change his character though to better suit my emotional state; so please approach this in a realistic manner.
If you don’t have a SO find other new moms or soon to be moms to talk to. I’m sure a few have been or are going through what you are right now. There is power in honesty and openness. Please don’t think you are alone and don’t try to make yourself be alone in this. Find strength in each other. You can and will get through this, just remember in a few more months it’ll all be worth it… And then the real crazy begins!
Side Note: My husband did forgive me once he woke up and I could apologize to a conscious man. 🙂
Side, Side Note: The crazy has subsided. Now I just can’t bend down, or see my toes.
Have you had your fair share of the crazy bug? Are you making your partner want to run and hide? Please tell me I’m not alone. Share below!